{"id":2983,"date":"2015-07-06T15:22:25","date_gmt":"2015-07-06T15:22:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nehadixit.in\/?p=2983"},"modified":"2023-09-15T13:05:20","modified_gmt":"2023-09-15T13:05:20","slug":"talking-sex-and-make-up-to-a-teen-in-light-of-her-mothers-failed-sterilisation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nehadixit.in\/talking-sex-and-make-up-to-a-teen-in-light-of-her-mothers-failed-sterilisation\/","title":{"rendered":"Talking sex and make-up to a teen in light of her mother’s failed sterilisation"},"content":{"rendered":"

Kajal and I were having this conversation while she was taking me to an anganwadi worker’s house.<\/i><\/h3>\n
\u201cWhy don\u2019t you wear make-up when you are married?\u201d Kajal asked me.<\/div>\n
\u201cJust like that.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want to get married, but for the make-up. I love it but Amma says don\u2019t touch it till you get married,\u201d she replied.Kajal is 13 and has just taken\u00a0her Class 7 exams in Anangpur village, Faridabad.<\/div>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know what to do with these chicken pox marks,\u201d she pointed to the small dried blisters on her face. She is still convalescing. \u201cWhat should I put on my face to get rid of them?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cThey will go slowly. Give it some time.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cBut if they don\u2019t go, I will have to put on make-up to hide them, no? Amma won’t let me. Everyone now tells me that with these marks, no one will ever want to marry me but who wants to…\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cWhat’s the reason for that?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cWhat didi! As if you don\u2019t know,\u201d she said, with an irritation in her voice but a smile on her face.<\/div>\n
\u201cNo. How would I? Didn\u2019t I tell you I am married. What mistake did I commit?\u201d I teased her.<\/div>\n
\u201cArrey…”<\/div>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cBachhe!\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cOh! Yes. That is a complication,\u201d I agreed.<\/div>\n
\u201cWho is your favourite actress? I like Katrina Kaif. Her face is so clear, no?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d I smiled.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
***<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
Kajal and I were having this conversation while she was taking me to Anita\u2019s house in the village. Anita is an anganwadi worker.<\/div>\n
While we were settling in the house, Kajal sat in one corner and asked me to sit in another. Anita and Pushpa, the two anganwadi behenjis, sat in the middle.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
\u201cWhat happened with her mother was very wrong,” Anita said. “It is the doctors who are careless and we have to suffer the consequences.\u201dShe was referring to Kajal\u2019s mother\u00a0Santosh<\/a>\u00a0and her failed tubectomy at the government-run BK Hospital in Faridabad.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
\u201cShe was also told to not go near the husband a week before the surgery,\u201d Pushpa added.<\/div>\n
\u201cYou are right. But when do the husbands listen? When they want to do it, they do it. Who can stop them,\u201d Anita replied.<\/div>\n
\u201cTrue. But then she should have said that she went near the husband,\u201d reasoned Pushpa.<\/div>\n
\u201cThey are so desperate to get the operation done that they don\u2019t want to delay it. So they don\u2019t tell usually,\u201d said Anita.<\/div>\n
\u201cHmm. And the doctor should have found out whether she is pregnant or not before the surgery,\u201d Pushpa said.<\/div>\n
Kajal, meanwhile, was staring at the ceiling. I turned to look at her. \u201cHave some biscuits, Kajal,\u201d Anita extended the plate to her. Kajal was uncomfortable and embarrassed to be acknowledged in the middle of this conversation.<\/div>\n
Anita and Pushpa were discussing how Anmol, Kajal\u2019s youngest sister was conceived in the middle of Santosh\u2019s tubectomy operation. She was born eight months after her sterilisation. Santosh had filed a complaint and asked for compensation, but the Gujjars in the village opposed it. Santosh is a Jatav from the Dalit community.<\/div>\n
On our way back to her house, I asked Kajal, \u201cSo these are the conversations that bug you?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cYes. I don\u2019t want to listen to all this.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cI am tired of listening to what Amma and Papa do. How I was born and how Anmol was born,\u201d she replied, anger in her tone.<\/div>\n
It reminded me of the time when I had discovered that there was more to my parents than meets the eye. I was seven- or eight-years-old and I could not believe my parents did “dirty” things. For days on end, I insisted on\u00a0sleeping between them. I don\u2019t know if the anger in Kajal\u2019s tone was for the same reasons.<\/div>\n
At home, she emptied a yellow plastic bag to show me the documents for Santosh\u2019s sterilisation procedure. \u201cAmma did not have her periods for two months after the surgery. That is when she discovered that she is pregnant,\u201d she said and paused. \u201cNow, Amma locks the room from inside while sleeping in the room.\u201d<\/div>\n
Kajal is the one who has organised all her mother\u2019s papers since Santosh is illiterate.<\/div>\n
They live in a one-room house. Her father Sant Lal sleeps outside. \u201cHe does not listen at all. Drinks a lot. One day, he got on top of amma when she was pregnant. I pretended to stay asleep,\u201d she said.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I didn\u2019t tell anyone except my best friend in school. She started explaining to me what they were doing. I said, \u201cWhat will you tell me. I know it all. How kids are born and how to stop them from being born too.\u2019\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cSo you know how to fix make-up and make the children problems go away,\u201d I said, playfully.<\/div>\n
\u201cUff, didi. You got caught, so you want all girls to get caught?\u201d she grinned.<\/div>\n
I was embarrassed and ashamed. I answered, \u201cSorry. I didn\u2019t mean that.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cAnd Katrina Kaif is also unmarried but she wears make-up,\u201d she added.<\/div>\n
\u201cAbsolutely.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cAlso, I don\u2019t like men. Amma told me to stay away from them when I started having my periods. \u201cI told her, Don\u2019t worry, I am not like you.\u2019\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cBut she is not the only one responsible.\u201d<\/div>\n
\n

\u201cThat is why I will neither get married nor do these dirty things with anyone. As far as make-up is concerned, I will start a beauty parlour when I grow up and allow all married and unmarried girls to wear it on their faces.\u201d<\/p>\n

Published by DailyO on June 15, 2015
\nOriginal Link:\u00a0http:\/\/www.dailyo.in\/politics\/sex-talk-women-sterilisation-dalits-marital-sex-make-up\/story\/1\/4344.html<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Kajal and I were having this conversation while she was taking me to an anganwadi worker’s house. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you wear make-up when you are married?\u201d Kajal asked me. \u201cJust like that.\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t want to get married, but for the make-up. I love it but Amma says don\u2019t touch it till you get married,\u201d…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3518,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[104,103],"tags":[],"thb-sponsors":[],"yoast_head":"\nTalking sex and make-up to a teen in light of her mother's failed sterilisation - Neha Dixit<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nehadixit.in\/talking-sex-and-make-up-to-a-teen-in-light-of-her-mothers-failed-sterilisation\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Talking sex and make-up to a teen in light of her mother's failed sterilisation - Neha Dixit\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Kajal and I were having this conversation while she was taking me to an anganwadi worker’s house. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you wear make-up when you are married?\u201d Kajal asked me. \u201cJust like that.\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t want to get married, but for the make-up. 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